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Dinner Lessons Learned, Confirmed

Easter Sunday was dinner at my Maria’s mom’s house along with the JG, Maria’s sister in-law, Michelle, and her two nephews Michael and Frankie (missing was Maria’s brother who was working and her dad who escaped our horrible winter and doesn’t want to come back).

As family get togethers go with Maria and hers (not as often with mine) this one was a pretty nice afternoon with a great number of laughs, my favorite of which was Maria confusing Michael saying ‘fresh ham’ with ‘french ham’ followed by too many silly jokes and bad accents that ended with french guy heckling King Arthur in ‘Holy Grail.’ But the day was great without any drama…kind of.

You see for Easter Maria’s mom always makes ham. I don’t like ham. And since there is usually something else on the table I’m covered.

This was indeed the case and when it came time to sit down at the table I grabbed a single slice of ham then the ‘something else’ which was lasagna and meatballs Maria’s sister in-law brought. I eat the slice of ham, have the rest and no one is the wiser I’m thinking. I mean there’s no need for her mom, who took a great deal of time preparing not only the ham but everything else, to ever find out that I don’t like ham right? “Absolutely Frankenberry.” you say. Thanks, just trying to be proactive. I think that’s safe and smart, especially with the fact that she is off-the-boat Italian and she is the cook. “Yes, right again Frankenberry, very safe…very smart.” you say. Thank you again.

That is until Maria, for no apparent reason, happens to mention that I don’t like ham. I can’t even explain to you how many other things she could have brought up right then and there that wouldn’t dropped like that. Our sex life to the super Catholic? That would have been a comfortable ice breaker. Leaving Jagger alone in a crack den with convicted felons? A fond story to retell at future get togethers. Maria arrested for solicitation in the raid of a bordello? A hearty “Oh, Maria’s bad luck strikes again” laugh.

And Maria just kept going “Well, a lot of people don’t like things, so what?…they just eat something else, so what?…so what?…so what?…”

SO WHAT?! This wasn’t about me not liking ham. This was about me not liking HER ham. This was me grabbing slabs of ham off the serving tray and tossing them into the ceiling fan with my teeth, giggling like some sort of hug me jacket wearing lunatic! I was slapping her with slices of the stuff! It was me grinding ham under my shoe for God’s sake! SO WHAT? And mind you the only thing I did eat (and like) was brought from outside, was prepared by someone else.

And don’t even ask what happened when dessert came around and I said I was all good. It involved a Cheesecake (which I do like) which was the sole dessert and she bought it, good money I’m sure…sigh.

Later she called the JG to let him know of a few things that were left in the house including the 5 beers in the 6 pack I brought over. I’m sure that fridge entered hell to tease the damned while she slept…oh and she brought up the ham…again…sigh…twice.

Did you have a nice day?

For your enjoyment some movie family magic.

 

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