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Far Too Cool Really Bad Toys

For some reason the other day and out of the blue I thought of Stretch Armstrong and the one I had when I was around 11 or 12. At the time I was fascinated with the revolutionary nature of a figure that could be pulled and stretched for feet unlike, say, humans being drawn and quartered. This had the happy ending of him eventually reverting back to his regular shape and size as opposed to the other.

Now, who thought a toy that would inspire kids to sadistically yank, pull and stretch the characters limbs to such painful lengths is beyond me and why this popped into my head I couldn’t tell you, but hell I had a dream the other night that there was a movie being shot in my house that starred a fella in a hard plastic Shakespeare mask who thought he was George Washington while outside animals cloned themselves, some into tinier versions, and swam in big pools of water that I know weren’t there when I went to bed. And that was only my first quick look at my dream landscape. I was there for a while.

Suddenly remembering Stretch Armstrong then seems kind of tame but it did make me think of some of the bad or stranger toys that I remember, likeLawn Darts, and then I came across this at Neatorama, a link to a list of some truly awful toys from a time long, long ago in a century far, far away.

(I might have had the Star Trek ‘Spock’ helmet…and thought it was cool. My apologies universe).

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