The Coldest Spot in Iowa??!
It was so cold this morning as I was taking the boys, Jackson & Brady, out following their early morning nosh that poor little Brady, after about a minute, just slowly sat down in the snow, put one paw up in a limp point and rather pathetically just stared at the cold air. As I went over to him, he slowly raised up on his back legs to lean up on me and looked up as if to say “help me, please…please.” I told him that pooping quickly was of the utmost importance and, practically on cue, in his cold doggie mind he said “I know that word.”
Quickly happened and we were able to get back in the house to Jackson who, being much better at this, was waiting for us. With him it takes about 30 seconds or so on really cold mornings to asses the cold, pee, poop and get back to the stoop and in the mud room as quickly as doggilly possible. He knows a bed was just made and he can get to pushing the covers down and laying his head on a pillow like a human much faster if he doesn’t doggy dally.
I was going to take a picture of Brady in all this but I like my fingers.
As I was out there though, also wanting to just sit my ass in the snow and raise an arm in a limp point with a vacant stare, I thought of a post I saw recently at Mental Floss of town ‘welcome’ signs that you won’t find anywhere else. It’s a pretty fun collection of pictures of signs ranging from the literal: Welcome to Gravity (Iowa) “We’re down to Earth. If Gravity goes, we all go.” to the almost ironicly civicly proud: Welcome to Cherryfield (Maine) “The blueberry capital of the world.” to the passively annoyed: Welcome to Gettysburg (South Dakota) “Where the battle wasn’t” to the specifically goal oriented: Welcome to Kermit (West Virginia) “Striving to be the state’s cleanest town.”
It was this morning and this cold in general though that made me recall one of the other signs in that post, Welcome to Wahsta (Iowa) “The coldest spot in Iowa” with a prominent mention of their 1912 record of -47. Now as it was just into the negatives in Newburgh while I waited on my little Brades and I was freezin’ my tuckuss off I couldn’t possibly fathom a -47 degree morning nor could I fathom that this is the best thing that you could come up with to trumpet your town as people pass your sign on the road on their way in or past (as fast and warmly as possible) Wahsta. I mean, I understand that everyone is fascinated with records and the notoriety they can bring in some circles but what circle raises the roof for “coldest spot in Iowa”? Seriously.
Well, if there is such a circle I have an idea for the fine, freezing folks of Washta. Find that circle and make it the sweetest seeming deal of a lifetime by offering them the town and all it’s establishments in return for some of that fine, impossibly available real estate in Florida that you know full well is nothing more than swamplands in the Evergaldes. Then buy waders and get the hell out of there as fast as your frostbitten feet will take you!
Let that circle have their cold ass civic pride while you get feeling back in your extremities.